I miss you.

I miss you, I miss your smile. And I still shed a tear every once in awhile. And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go, but I need you to know... I miss you.

We had a drug talk today at school which inspired me to write this post. Generally, I hate drug talks because they hit so close to home. So close to home. This one was a great talk, the speaker was brilliant, but it hit even closer than usual because the speaker was a recovering drug addict herself. Very recently recovering. I couldn't help but think the entire time, 'What if?'. What if my cousin hadn't moved out of our house? What if we had made her stay until she was done with treatment? What if, what if, what if? Would she still be here now? It's hard to say...I don't know. I do know that I miss Alexis like hell. Everyday I think of her. She was so special. I recently talked with her best friend, Jessica, on the phone. I reconnected with her on facebook and she wanted to call and talk, so of course, I agreed. She's a real sweetheart. She told me that Alexis adored me, absolutely adored me. She told me that she wants to keep in touch with me because I was so important to Alexis. She feels as if it's her duty to be Alexis to me, if that makes sense. Of course, I cried, she cried. Alexis was a special girl. Just as she was about to go back to college, get a degree and begin a new life...her addiction struck her again. I hate when people say bad things about drug users, because Lex was so not what I picture as a drug user. She was happy (or so she seemed), beautiful (as you can see from the above photos). She never came home without a smile. I love her so much and I miss her. Even typing this pulls at my heartstrings. I don't think my family realizes how much her death tore me apart...but it did. I miss having that 'big sister' which is truly what she was to me. Yes, she has a sister and I love her too, she's my family, but there is absolutely no comparison between the two. They're different people. Rest in peace, Alexis. I love you.