I hate cancer's F#$%ing guts.

"I screamed at the unfairness and told cancer how much I hate it's f#$%ing guts." - Amy Potvin

Since becoming more involved with Ellie and since my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, cancer is never far from my head. Since becoming more involved with Ellie, I've found countless more children who are also fighting this beast. And you know what, it SUCKS. It absolutely sucks. Cancer has affected everyone. Whether we "advertise" (that sounds awful, I know) it or not, everyone has been affected. Everyone knows someone who has cancer. Maybe they've had it themselves. I am absolutely, 100% amazed at all of these "cancer moms". Especially Amy, Ellie's mom. If you just read her caringbridge entries (http://caringbridge.org/visit/elliepotvin) your heart breaks with her, you laugh with her, you cry with her, you get angry at her, you hate cancer with her. She writes so beautifully and she is just as amazing offline. She has so much energy and is truly holding everyone together! Ellie is absolutely blessed to have her.

Ellie had a lung scan this week and the results showed that this chemotherapy infusion (the last one proven to work on rhabdo) has failed. Most of the tumors have stayed the same, but 2 have grown. All of this that Ellie's gone through in the past weeks and months, it didn't even shrink any tumors. What?!?! Again, cancer sucks. Big time. Moving on from here...I am confident that Amy and Tim will find the miracle cure for their daughter. Something has to be out there. Ellie is so high on energy, I believe it's a sign from God saying 'Hold on, be patient. Ellie will be cured on my time.' Ellie isn't miserable, Ellie looks healthy. Her beautiful wispy hairs and her gorgeous grin are infectous. She is the epitome of bravery and beauty. I have hope and faith in her. In God. Please, Lord, Please... Things are going well here. I can't believe the school year is nearly over. I'm incredibly emotional these past few days! (I HATE PMS.) I think it's a combination of PMS, the Ellie scan news, and just everything. There's a lot going on right now. Yesterday I cried about 10 times, no joke, 10 seperate times. 16 & Pregnant never fails to make me cry and add in that the couple is giving their baby up for adoption, let's call flood control please! Everything made me cry. But in a way I like crying. I get so annoyed with people who never cry in front of other people. (This is getting very off topic, but what the hell..?) I like to express my emotions. Because other people can help you through it. You typically don't help yourself.

Anyway, this is turning into a novel, but I just wanted to remind you to keep Miss Ellie in your prayers, keep her mommy and daddy in your prayers, and keep her precious twin sister, Grace, in your prayers as well. This beast will not win.