Hey, Ellie

A man named Dusty Hughes wrote a song for Ellie called "Hey, Ellie" and it's absolutely beautiful. It was played today at Ellie's funeral/Celebration of Life and it was really, really nice, though the people who sung it were nowhere near as good as Dusty Hughes. Wish he could have been here for it.

Last night was Ellie's viewing. I wore a coral shirt and a black skirt. When you walked in the doors, the first thing you saw was that breathtaking picture of Ellie that is the main photo on caringbridge (caringbridge.org/visit/elliepotvin). It honestly just took my breath away. They were handing out little pink ribbons twisted into a cancer ribbon, that had little butterflies on them in honor of Ellie. We waited in the line until we reached Amy and Tim. There were two TVs that had a slideshow of Ellie playing. I lost it while watching that. I clung to Holly's hand and just...cried. Cried for me because I missed Ellie, cried for Ellie because she's gone, cried for Grace because she lost her twin sister, cried for Amy because she lost her precious baby, cried for Tim because he lost his little girl, cried for all of Ellie's friends who loved it, cried for Ellie some more because cancer is so cruel. Finally, we reached Amy who looked stunning in her pink dress (she always looks gorgeous). Holly and I were rather upset at this point, and Amy pulled us into a hug and she said, "I love you girls, so much" and rubbed my hair to calm me down and rubbed Holly's back to calm her down. At that moment, I just couldn't believe it. Amy, the woman who just lost her daughter, was comforting me, a friend. She has amazing strength. She then said something I will never forget. She said, "Girls, what you have done for my baby made a difference. It really did. If I had the time tomorrow at the celebration to speak about all those who have helped and changed Ellie's life, you two would top the list."

We then moved on to Tim, and the rest of the family. Ellie was between the two families. She was laying there, one hand on top of the other. Her head was covered in very short hair. They had put some lip gloss on her. She had a teddy bear in her hand, and her cross next to her, and her favorite pink converse above her.

Leaving her was the hardest thing that I've ever done. I kept telling myself, "Lindsay, that is not Ellie! That's Ellie body. Ellie is happy, she's looking down on you now" but leaving how I viewed Ellie for all this time was still, very very difficult. I am so glad that we saw her, though.

Today's funeral was much more peaceful for me. I still shed many tears and was very sad, but it was a sense of closure. Amy and Tim had amazing strength as they spoke. Amy shared more about Ellie's last moments, about the Ellie she knew and loved...Tim thanked some doctors, and their families. It was beautiful. The music was lovely and the program is precious. Ellie would love it! We then let off some balloons afterwards at 1 o'clock. Amy yelled,

"FLY BABY, FLY!"

Fly Ellie, Fly. I love you.

Dear Ellie...

Dear Ellie,

This morning you sprouted wings. What's it like being an angel? I'm sure you are the prettiest around. Today I went over to your house and we spent time looking at beautiful pictures of you and Grace from when you were little, and some more recent ones too. We talked with your grandmother who told us that your mommy and daddy were at the funeral home picking out a casket for your earthly body. I know you aren't in that body anymore but it was where you lived for the past 8 years, and I can assure you they are going to choose a beautiful final resting place for the body you called home. But now, that doesn't even matter to you...how's your 19 bedroom mansion on the beach, Ellie? That sounds wonderful, like someplace I'd like to take a vacation. Ellie, you've only been in Heaven for a few hours but I miss you already. I know your mom and dad miss you too, and Gracie misses you a lot. What are you doing in Heaven right now, Ellie? Do you have that pet pig you always wanted? I'm sure the beach is nice up there, Ells. As much as we all want you here with us, Ellie, I am so happy for you - because you are cancer-free in God's name! You've had cancer for almost 2 years now, it must be a wonderful feeling to be healthy Ellie again! God will take good care of you forever. Now you're a beautiful angel, Ellie. Please watch over all of us down here on earth. Put a special word in with the Big Man for me, okay?! :) But more importantly and most especially, watch over your twin sister. I know you will. You care for her a lot. She really misses you, Ellie. On Friday I will go to your church and see your earthly body, all prepared beautifully. It's going to be sad to see your body without the Ellie we know and love inside, I know, but I am telling myself to REJOICE because you are in Heaven now! That body is just that...a body. You are in Heaven! One last thing; I love you Ellie. This past year Holly and I have spent doing a lot of awesome things for you and Grace. I know you liked them and that gives me a smile to know that I helped to make some of your last days better than they would've been. No matter how much I miss you, Ellie, I know that you are still here with me in my heart. And you'll be there forever. You were a special girl, and your strength, bravery, hope and will to live up until your last breath was remarkable. I love you and I miss you, Ellie Shoal.

Love you forever,

Lindsay

3 to 6 weeks

3 to 6 weeks is the amount of time that we should be counting down to our summer vacation. 3 to 6 weeks is the amount of time until we go to see our favorite singer in concert. But for the princess you see above, 3 to 6 weeks is the amount of time in her life that she has been given. Just 3 to 6 weeks. Cancer has stolen so much from Ellie Shoal Potvin. So much. It's solen much of her childhood (she was diagnosed two years ago on July 2nd, I believe). It's stolen her beautiful blonde hair. It's stolen her ability to walk now. It's stolen her ability to go to school and be with her friends. Now, after a 2-year-long fight, it's just going to steal her life too. It just isn't fair. Ellie is so strong, so so strong. She's fought long and hard for these past 2 years. She isn't ready to give up this fight either.

When you look into Ellie's beautiful blueish green eyes, you see love - the love of God. Ellie is an angel. What do you when you are told that your child has 3-6 weeks to live? Well, I don't know. Ellie is in a lot of pain physically. Amy, Tim and Grace are in a lot of pain too. Emotionally. Please keep this whole family in your prayers. 3 to 6 weeks is just so unfair.